And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down ...

“When he was in Jerusalem during the Passover festival, many believed in his name because they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part would not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to testify about anyone; for he himself knew what was in everyone.” – John 2:23-25

Stuck between the story of Jesus turning water into wine and the story of Nicodemus is this funny little sentence. I had never noticed it before, because when we hear the weekly readings in church, it gets left out. It got me wondering: What does it mean that Jesus “would not entrust himself to them”? Did he stay guarded? Or was it just that he didn’t need to prove himself?

As someone who typically wears his heart on his sleeve, I’m often painfully aware (usually only in retrospect) of the need to keep some things close to the hilt, as it were. It doesn’t do any good to tell everyone everything, or to speak everything that’s on my mind. Often people get hurt this way. One of my Lenten disciplines this year is not to speak so quickly.

Did Jesus pace himself in his acts of self-revelation? I think so. We have just heard that he didn’t perform his first miracle until he was pressed to do so. Or could it be that he was still figuring out what God wanted him to do?

Yet “he himself knew what was in everyone.” He could read everybody like an open book, whether they revealed themselves or not. Christian piety has had faith in this idea throughout the ages—not the man Jesus looking deep into people’s souls, but the person of Christ already residing there, impossible to keep any secrets from. It’s both comforting and terrifying to imagine.

I’ve always liked this song by Collective Soul, “The World I Know.” The rather overwrought video tells a story of a near suicide. But when I hear this song, I imagine Jesus, still being tempted in the desert, looking out over all the kingdoms of the world that Satan has offered to him if only Jesus will worship Satan. Jesus will, of course, rebuke Satan for this offer. But in the meantime, here’s Jesus with these lyrics in his head:

So I walk up on high/ And I step to the edge/ To see my world below
And I laugh at myself/ While the tears roll down/ ’Cause it’s the world I know/ It’s the world I know.

It’s laughable and ironically beautiful that Satan, in all his shortsightedness, would offer Jesus a world that already belongs to him, full of people in whose hearts he already resides.

All of this can be yours ...

“Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, “He will command his angels concerning you,’ and “On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written, ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.’” Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

– Matthew 4:1-11

“All of this, all of this can be yours/ Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt.”

– U2, “Vertigo”

Sometimes we think we can see it all. We climb to the heights and take it all in. Perspective. A lot of perspective. In the words of one of the members of the fictitious rock group Spinal Tap, while standing at the grave of Elvis Presley, “It’s too much f---in’ perspective.”

Whenever we think we can see the whole picture, we start to get big ideas. If only we could get this group of people to do this, and that group of people to do that, everything would work much better around here. So we gain power and authority, and we seek to carry out our ideas. Politicians do this all the time. People with lots of money do this sometimes without even realizing it.

But if we don’t approach such responsibility humbly, our overabundance of perspective will defeat us … and those we are trying to help. Jesus could have fed not only himself, but the entire world. He could have proven to everyone that he was divine. He could have made all the nations bow down to his awesome power.

But he didn’t. Instead, he went to the seashore and called out to a few fishermen—nobodies, really. I like to think he chose his disciples at random, because he trusted that God’s grace would make these people exactly the right people, over time. Rather than coming among us at a time when mass communication could have made him a superstar, Jesus showed up in a backwater district of the Roman Empire, taught radical new ideas, and healed people. That was enough to plant the seed that is still growing today. And even then, the history of Christianity is littered with unintended consequences!

No matter how much perspective we think we have, we never have the entire picture. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t dream big and accomplish big, important things in the world. But we must always remember that the things we do aren’t meant to satisfy our own need for power and control. Next time we find ourselves at a great height, looking out over the world and seeing how everything connects, let’s not fool ourselves. We have a lot of perspective, but not that much. Let’s not give in to the temptation.

Here’s U2 with “Vertigo.”